Just tired of seeing that damn joke on my front page, so I'm just gonna babble. Tomorrow I take my babygirl to her mothers for the rest of the summer. This'll be the first time they've seen each other for more than a few days in 2 years. And I gotta say, I'm nervous as hell. Scared, actually, and sad. But she's almost 4, and she needs some time with her mother, which I pray will be a good thing.

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices off the mans penis and angrily tosses it out the window of the car.

Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him. All of the sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy what in the heck was that ?!?"

Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."

The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, she says. "Sure had a big dick."

A dog's diary:

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!

The cat's diary:

Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill mycaptors by weaving around thei r feet while they were walking almostsucceeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

She
by Sarah Liz Rose

She's in her parents bathroom,
and she's crying all alone.
She's staring at her reflection,
and no one else is home.
She's mad and she's depressed,
she holds a blade in her right hand.
She's lost her grip on life
while reality slips through her hands like sand.
She's staring at her wrist,
and envying it's perfection.
She's planned this for so long,
but nobody pays attention.
She's made up her mind,
and she's not afraid to die.
She's not afraid of pain,
and there's no need to say 'good-bye.'
She's afraid no one will stop her,
even though she hates her life.
She's blank and she's tired,
as she glances at the knife.
She puts the blade to her skin
and she knows what she is doing.
She slit her wrist,
but exactly whose life is she ruining?
She's lying on the floor
watching her soul slip away.
She's still crying and she's lifeless,
in her head she starts to pray.
She's closing her eyes
and it's time for her to go.
She whispers, "I'm so sorry,"
but to whom... we'll never know.

I Ask You Pointless Questions
by Jessica Lynn Anderson

I ask you pointless questions
so you'll stand too close to me
and as I close my eyes and smell you
I enter my fantasy

Your hand reaches out so gently
and rests upon my lips
you trace the curves of my mouth
as I kiss your finger tips

I quietly close my eyes
to feel your breathe upon my face
as you urge your lips towards mine
my soul begins to ache

And as tender as a whisper
your tongue caresses mine
and the sweetness of our passion
is frozen motionless in time

As swiftly as it started
the fantasy fades away
as you answer my pointless question
you turn and walk away